For example, I used to host (board and card) game nights at my home, and Id create an event on Facebook, invite everyone who was part of this group, and ask them to please let me know as soon as they knew whether or not theyd be there, at least by the day before, so I could plan how much food Id need to buy/make. It took some practice, but I always try to give an out for people, especially since I have a group of Japanese friends where theyre used to giving a soft no. Him: You must be doing something. Seriously, both she and my sister are true extroverts, bless them, which is why I use the term hyper-social weirdos to describe them. Sometimes I go with something like, Im already committed to a couple of things, but they still have to get back to me about when, exactly, theyre happening. Totally fair and perfectly polite. I read the question; did all of you who are saying its only about the manipulative cases? And then you get people who let it go there and people who keep fishing (where are your parents from? etc etc because they think its impolite to ask WHAT are you, but they really really want to know, so they know what stereotypes to assign you, as you said, or even because theyre just curious, like youre an object). When I was a teen or an adult who looked like a teen, I was very fond of, Ill have to ask my mother. I had as little to do with my mother as possible at the time, but I noticed this response was great at making creepy guys shrivel up and slink off. Thats my favorite response! Makes sense. For the record, I will totally cat-sit for you. With friends and family you can be more honest if you like, but you dont have to. Your family is going to judge you for any serious answer you give anyway, so you might as well beat them to the criticism. (FWIW, Im not that extreme myself. I can vouch for this strategy! If someone challenges me on something, my default response is to assume the other person is right and I am wrong. This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. You can change "because you have kids" to a variety of things, depending on whom you're talking to. Trust issues and controlling family? Yup, there is a trust relationship to be established, because as detailed above, this question is frequently used with a threat of violence attached. And it's a great way to know what's at the top of someone's mind. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. Her presence in this household is ONLY because of her family relationship. This is one of those times where being okay with yourself and your own boundaries about this will help you deal with other people in a mannerly-yet-assertive fashion. Not every parent who expects stuff from their kid is unreasonable. I think it goes back to the same annoyng assumption there are people who assume your time is theirs. Suggesting someones internal dialogue over a situation is a pretty extreme response feels blame-y and a way to police someones (totally valid) feels. Dont ask each of us the same question. He doesnt need to be that nosy about how you spend your time. But it can also just mean I love you and want to hear about things youre doing that youre excited about; it comes up all the time with friends who live far away! Want to go to the turnip festival with me or are you busy? Well, Im not busy but I also dont want to go to any turnip festival ever. Im surprised to find out this is annoying, I guess, because I am such a What are you up to this weekend? asker when I want to hang out.
Michael Wiley on Twitter: "RT @h_miller76: Had you asked me what I'd be 101 Funny Weekend Memes to Ring in Positive Weekend Vibes - Winkgo I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. Who on earth does #4, besides a small boy under 6?
Great Responses to "What are you doing?" - HubPages The problem with these is that the aforementioned cousin who wants you to babysit may treat your I dont know as nothing at all, I have zero excuses. You need to know your audience, but it does work well for the nosy-only requests.
65+ Funny Responses to Everyday Questions! - Self Development Journey Nothing? This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list. Its just small talk! Especially not in NYC, where housing is so tight, and especially when she doesnt have a job.). Like Sounds great but tonight wouldnt work for me or Yknow what, Im pretty tired, I could have made something shorter work but that play will just be too much or just Hm, nah. Nowadays I usually use The Captains great script: I do not know yet, I have to check my calendar. I live in a face culture, so saving the face of the invitee who wants to turn your invitation down is very important. Shes asked like this a few times.
12 Best Answers to "How's Your Day Going?" - Grammarhow 10 Funny Out of Office Messages You Will Want to Copy However, if you and/or your husband have used that phrase in the past where she is included in the We, shes not mishearing you/he are misspeaking. On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. But I think often we like to pretend that there are no such tradeoffs, and thats not helpful in the real world. So whats the fallout if I tell her I need her help with something, and she refuses without a good reason (because she wants to play Minecraft or listen to a podcast)? It gives them nothing, and forces them to divulge their plans. Oh, surviving, surviving. Maybe we could get together. This sentence should never be solo. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. Those on the other side never see it that way. If banal small talk that most people use is offensive to you, thats on you to tell people, I think. Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. Funny Mom Quotes (and Sayings) And then if its something I dont want to do BUT its a person I dont want to discourage, I can say, That sounds like youll have fun! But it puts me on edge every time I hear it. interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. Thinking of seeing [movie]. Of course, he keeps doing it his way, so I just ask dunno, why? My DH reminds me when predictable events are coming up and advises me to fill up my calendar! In these cases, we are all just curious and looking for stuff to talk about. Especially since they explicitly mention friends, relatives, and people on dating sites. 1. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. Rob: Hey Jan. Good, thanks, you? And sometimes the answer is well but if they respond that way theyre not your friends anyway, but we interact with a lot of people who are not our friends but who are important to our lives (coworkers, for example, or in-laws) and yet who can levy that cost. Ive got annoyed enough over this that I have been uncharacteristically assertive and told him that I dont like being asked out like that and that Id prefer that he just ask me outright about whatever activity it is and the date. Why insist on these parental avenues of control and dominance over another adult, when it has already harmed your relationship and can only do more harm? K- keep a distance from work. Kind of a random revelation after reading everyones advice and responses: I think this is up for me right now because Im new to the online dating world and, because of my past experience with my family, I am having a hard time telling if the question is of the innocuous kind (like when co-workers ask my plans for the weekend), a soft opening to trying to ask me out, or the kind of manipulation that Ive, for better or for worse, learned to be on alert for. I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. If Im bothered by the question, I usually answer back with why ? or why do you ask ?.
17 Funniest Running Memes - Which One's Do You Relate To? - RunToTheFinish Theres a world of small talk out there that doesnt Other a person, and being genuinely curious is not a justification for anything. Are you up to anything good?, If the person comes back with an invitation and youre not enthusiastically sure you want to do whatever it is, delay! This one is a bit tricky for me. I clean up nice, don't I. Before people jump on this as reading too much into the situation, I want to point out that at in many, many cultures (I actually work on related research so Im familiar with a lot of academic studies on the topic), the preferred way to refuse a request for help is apology+reason e.g. Helen Huntingdon, I dont want you to think Ive dismissed all your argumentsyouve certainly given me pause and gotten me to think about what my expectations are. Leisure time is notI give up my leisure time to hem her pants or help her move back from college or make her dinner. . Then, actually do check your calendar, check in with yourself if you actually want to do whatever it is, and answer the person when its convenient for you. My response if Im up for it is Looking like a fun one, but did you have something in mind? If Im probably not up for it I say All the things! I hear you. Other Half keeps the diary, I need to check.. It sounds like he'd get into some fun and adventurous dates. But Im willing to bet that LW knows that, and the reason he/she feels annoyed with the people asking it in his/her life are because theres a pattern and something bigger at work like maybe people trying to get him/her to do stuff, or, as he/she noted, people who want to hang out, but with him/her doing all the planning work. It follows the script they want, which is that the person they are targeting needs their approval of their reason for pleading off. For me, it makes saying no so much harder. I understand that theyre just trying to be friendly and make small talk but it still feels invasive. RT @h_miller76: Had you asked me what I'd be doing this weekend a long time ago, I would have said the NFL Combine. Theyre private and you dont need to know them. LW is pretty clearly not talking so much about people making casual small talk as people being roundabout manipulative.
Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Oh my goodness I didnt even realize this was posted and then it took awhile for me to read through all of the responses. I also come from an area that tends to do a lot more indirect communication than I think many parts of the US, though, and tend to prefer a softer communication style unless someones being either rude or unaware enough to force me into being blunt. Probably so he can finish the conversation with enjoy [fun thing]. My answer to this question is almost invariably Not sure yet, why? or Havent quite decided, how about you?, This might elicit a Well I was just wondering if youd like to to which I will respond, That sounds better than what I was planning, count me in or Hmm, thanks for thinking of me but I dont think Ill be able to this time. If I get hungry enough, Ill consider eating them. To pretend that it wont have a cost societally. Im not talking about not dealing with this. ), its pure formula. LW, if it makes you feel any better, when many people ask this question, they arent doing it to trap you into something (though some are, of course). *I have some sympathy for her, in that Ive seen how this is gendered in our culture, of women being trained not to ask for what they want/need (possibly more than in western cultures? Like, say you pretend to take up crochet, and designate working on my crochet projects/gifts as your backup plan, and so when people you know are assholes about this ask you have the backup plan. Like I said, you know the people and the situation better than I, an Internet Stranger, do. More words, people, not less. It feels like a lot of just Use Your Words advice is setting people up for a shock when they realize that their coworkers or acquaintances are offput by it. And even if she did pay money (not rentbut to share in the household expense, which is different from rent, even if it is the same amount of money), I would still consider her to be part of my family and as such why WOULDNT she pitch in when I needed her to? If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you?" Table of contents: I'm Better on the inside than I Look on the outside Can't Complain. Young women and girls are not stupid. In that case I would begin with the duty: I need a babysitter. Flat? I dont use it myself because I dont like the way it comes across. So the next time your phone rings you will be prepared. This isnt a high-stakes issue like the LW that was abusing their partner. @TootsNYC If you want your daughter to do her share of chores, it is a better idea not to tell her to take the trash out (now or in the next couple of hours) but rather have a family meeting at the beginning of the week, talk about what needs to be done (not only stuff that you consider important but also stuff that your daughter considers important) and then you talk about who does what. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being.. 2. That might be some of what LW is sensing in terms of it seems like you want to ask me but youre afraid: maybe for them, saying I would like to do X this weekend, can you come? is an invitation THEY would have a hard time refusing even if they didnt want to do it. What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. I had a hard time staying employed and taking care of myself because I have a chronic illness, and the alternative to living with my parents would be to figure out how to apply for section 8 housing and Disability, both of which have a long wait list. I think the ideas people are getting at is that sometimes people want to reject an invitation not because they have plans but because they dont want to attend. Mild office small talk is fine with me, and I have a few coworkers who may become friends. I feel like my best friend and I do this back and forth a lot, but thats because we understand there are tiers to plans. Its really not you, its them. Thank you.
30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends Nothing too exciting, Ive got a bunch of things on my to-do list. 200 Sarcastic Quotes 1. You can be annoyed by a wide variety of people forever. Especially as its usually done over text, which (to me) precludes the idea of it being small talk. But a couple people have African-violeted me over this. Its okay that my body needs time to recuperate. (If they didnt mean an invitation) For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". But I hate this because then I have to pretend to wait while I figure out if my original plans are going through before I give them an answer. In fact this letter reminds me a lot of a lady I knew once who moved to the US from a different english-speaking country and took offense to people asking her where she was from when they heard her accent. Its funny I dont even register the question How are you? (Ive lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to You alright? which, functionally, isnt that different. I too wish I had the strength & Phoebe confidence to pull of that line. Maybe actually I am just dealing with one of those people who force you to be blunt. Her dad would not agree with a move to force her to move out. This is true, but it will almost certainly come with a cost. (Like the How are you? inquiries) I also ignore We should hang out soon! It doesnt replace actually reaching out to me and trying to set up plans. There are two good situations for teasing: 1) when someone talks about something unusual like Lily did; 2) when someone is not very good at something, such as singing out of tune. Its a little startling to hear something super serious like life is really dark so that would be a surprise here as well. I personally feel really pressured by the question simply because it puts me in the position of having to say yes or no before I even know what Im saying yes or no to. Next week, tell me how it went? And then make myself a note to specifically ask about it. Always? And then they get all pissy because the girl is taken aback by being asked out so abruptly by this guy about whom she knows pretty much nothing except his appearance. Im much better at saying no now, and I realize that in most situations saying no is a perfectly socially acceptable answer. Me: Nope. (If they meant the invitation) Them : OH! In my case its also true (OH is much better at executive function than me). Your friends and family will get off the phone with you and wonder why they aren't grabbing life by the horns the way you are. The professor went to the restroom. For those who are ready to stand out from the crowd, we've gathered ten hilarious out of office messages that will inspire you to raise the bar the next time you sit down to write an autoresponder. Were having a party. Those non-negotiable things come up probably twice a month, at most. (Women with STEM doctorates especially get constant streamers of this kind of contempt from their families.). I was never taught that was the correct answer.
What are you doing - Best ways to answer this question In my experience, soft invitations are never meant. It sort of came to a head last week when I was on the toilet, and the kid came to the door, and my kid answered the door, and the conversation was like It takes a bit of confidence to state clearly and categorically what you want and then ask someone else to join in that thing, and not everyone has that degree of confidence. Them no problem, I hope things are going well for you. So with someone new, Did you do anything good last weekend? (Say it like he or she is complimenting you even though he or she is not.) Its a way of saying I enjoy spending time with you in a general sense, but without any plans to actually do that. That way, he proudly announced, he never owed them a favor in return. A short, simple reply can be all it takes for you to let them know you appreciate their comment. If theyre just curious, they can say so, if they want to invite you to something, it gives them the chance, and if you feel like engaging further, you can. This comment has clarified a thing for me. Me: Nope. How am I right now? If you need an answer right now then Im gonna have to say no.. Your tactic of combining the two points is the right way to go, I think. @IndoorCatI appreciate your comments. I can deal with how are you, since that has an easy script for answering even if it took me a while to memorize it, and where are you from. On the other end, I have a tactic for weekend planning. Those things influence what I ask of my kid, and they influence how I ask it. This particular response though, is one of my favorite comments ever. But people should take turns is different from someone else should always go first (or for gendered/other status reasons, I should always go first). Going back to work? Theres nothing bad with setting them and enforcing them, and if youre dealing with people who cant respect them, the question itself is not the biggest problem in the relationship. (And boy howdy, did she get pissy when I responded with not really. We did NOT live together well.). I think part of it, too, is that I have mental health issues and physical issues so sometimes the questions make me feel pressured to have a good weekend. I have never had it used against me as an ableist term, but I will use a different word in the future. In ways that I doubt he even always notices. Every girl loves the rebel without a cause. Ive seen too many nightmare scenarios of late, in the wake of the Aziz Ansari mess, that start out exactly like you are describing. How odd to be on both sides of this! And then coming up with all kinds of bizarre but obvious lies about how they reason theyre acting that way is solely for *my* benefit. How can I ask in a way that minimizes that feeling? Skip the part where you say Ill have to check my calendar or even Im not surejust go ahead and ask them what they have in mind! I understand commenters who dont see this question as anything more than polite small talk. Thank you! Its the same here. It sounds like you find the second uncomfortable or have had bad experiences with people misusing it to manipulate you. The only exceptions are: 1. And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. You just reminded me of the ex-husband of a friend I used to know. ooh. Now, when someone asks, I reply, Im not sure what Ill be in the mood for. If someone responds with an offer of plans, I can then say, Nice! You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course. So, it's perfectly . You may also eagerly seize on these options and/or provide some of your own., (2) Hey, Im looking for someone to cat-sit while Im out of town for the next three months. Maybe you have a mountain of laundry and it takes the whole weekend, or you are just doing the laundry inbetween other activities. Darn, my wife wants me home early [so we can watch Netflix on the couch with our cat].. This says "I'm doing well.". If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted.. Why? - Casey Stengel I also answer yeah, that would be great and then never hear from them again. Because everybodys got something. Others also have lives to plan and need to know (cancel event, find someone else, make other plans). I actually liked her kid, and if shed just said she needed a sitter instead of tricking me into it, I wouldnt have minded babysitting.I ended up filling that child with sugar and caffeinated soda (he had a grand time), and forever answering Im so busy, ugh to all future questions about my plans. My mum likes to do similar things, trying to out me on the spot and pressure me to agree to things when Im on the phone to her. She gets what crowds people like and is on point with inviting me to the right events. Enjoying life and nothing else. A: Thanks, you too. Thats a little heavy-handed to apply to someone from one letter. The mental stress is the same whether you interrupt a current rest period or interrupt the chance to get there before it before it starts. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? And Im feeling like, right, not only do I not know how to negotiate this myself, I also dont know what to tell my kid to say in this situation. Excellent insight and analysis. I think youre right in general, although I dont find items 2 and 3 problematic at all. Question.
7 Tricky Work Situations, and How to Respond to Them Youll all be healthier and live longer if they learn some manners in how they treat you. Best of luck to you, dear LW! Something like this happens every single time.
Auto-Reply Email Sample for Customer Service: A Personalized Template Mentioning your actual plans is one. For example, while my wife and I are paying with a credit card after having Saturday morning breakfast, and while the receipt is printing out, the cashier will say, So, you guys got any good plans for the weekend?. Sometimes I deal with anxiety all weekend and its hard not to judge myself for that. Are you asking where are you from of every person you meet the first time, or only of those whose appearance/accent makes you suspect they are not from your locality?
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