Laura: Doth thou love me? Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi. I tried to help you! Carl Otis Winslow: March 24th, Raoul's houseboat is beautiful. A spin-off of Perfect Strangers, the series revolves around the Winslow family, a middle-class African American family living in Chicago, Illinois. I'm drawn to you. Steve Urkel: Hey, I was following Eddie's instructions. Laura Lee Winslow: Well I guess Steve was practicing his accordion. Rachel Crawford: She keeled over leading a game of Simon says! [Harriette laughs as Laura leaves the living room to help Mother Winslow get ready]. The valet gave me a tip. Clarence has under control. Make my day! I felt like I was one with the Bee-Oh-Sphere. It was your free safety. Oh, good. Carl Otis Winslow: [Gasps] Why of all the low down Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Calm down, Carl. Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? Carl: Uh-oh. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [talking to Chondra in the bar about Maxine] Aww, yeah, she's a sweetheart but if she caught us in here together she'd rip off your arm and beat me with it. [Willie is upset at Waldo as Laura shows up to the crime. Harriette: [still unsympathetic towards Eddie's selfishess] Fair? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Chuck is twice the man Raoul is. https://www.quotes.net/movies/family_matters_102099, https://www.quotes.net/movies/family_matters_quotes_102099. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Laura, suppose I arrange for you to meet Johnny Gill personally. Robber: [threatens Steve] You! Then instead of admitting it, you let us spread a log in Lake Michigan. Harriette: Well, tell him you don't remember him. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. no. Let's trot on over there and see what develops. Robber: Oh yeah? I'm in big trouble! Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. I'm being born! I'm Stefan sweet thing. Carl Otis Winslow: Like that. Urkel, the camera was on Eddie the whole time. [the photographer takes a snap shot of Eddie nerously laughing as Carl drives him away]. Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Rachel Crawford: Well, I'm planning dinner for a very, very special friend. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Willie Makeit? Harriette Winslow: Before you stormed out of the house, I forgot to mention to you that I called OGD's Grandmother back in Detroit. Carl Otis Winslow: Why not try the truth! Cassie Lynn: That may be what happened, but that won't be what the people believe. Addeddate 2019-09-04 04:56:23 Identifier steveurkel_201909 Scanner Internet Archive HTML5 Uploader 1.6.4. plus-circle Add Review. When's the last time you slept? One Now, let's read it! Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room! [Eddie leaves and Carl puts the chair away] Well that took care of everything. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: Then how 'bout a nice juicy thigh? Carl Otis Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Edward. You're always sorry. I've got the STD, all I need is U." 3. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [driving off] Would you relax, Steve? often referred to simply by his surname, Urkel, is the main protagonist of Family Matters. I was just talking with your grandmother. [Steve goes to answer the door] I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate. [laughs]. So you have to make every minute count. Steve Urkel: Why, of course it can! Steve Urkel: Swell, Punch! Carl Otis Winslow: I know. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, Harriette! "You're like Pringles; once I pop you, I can't stop you." 6. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Make one, then Xerox It! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No thanks, Eddie. Aunt Oona: The gas pipe broke when my living room flooded. Whoa, I'm being pushed back in! None of this is your fault. Carl: What are you talking about? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No no no no no. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Hey Steve, Was'sup? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: O.k., but I'm not Home. Laura Lee Winslow: That's right, I don't know, and I still like the Cards. [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Steve Urkel: But, I've been practicing and my progress is impressive, even if I do say so myself. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh great, I'm gonna lose my toes. [heads for the stairs - Carl grabs him by his suspenders] I almost got ya there, Carl. And since no one will play with me, I have to say so myself. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: He must've been dangerous. Steve Urkel: Hi Laura, my little sweet potata! Steve Urkel: [after discovering that the stereo in Eddie's car has had its serial number scratched off] Uh-uh. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You all right, Mr.W, [he teaches Carl how to handshake in his neighborhood. Harriette Winslow: You eat all that ice cream and you can kiss your diet goodbye. Carl = Son, you have disobeyed me for a woman? Steve Urkel: I have a lot of personal experience in first aid. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: That's hotties, Steve. Cool. And I just got the wax sucked out of my ears! Everywhere you look, TV, movies, magazines, all these 90 pound people, smiling, dancing where do they get the strength? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Rachel Crawfish? Willie Fuffner: [sigh] That's different. Estelle Winslow: Your great grandfather's name was Lester. Harriette Winslow: And deliberately sat us next to a cigar smoker. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Waldo come to the Witness Stand. Weasel: [pulls out a lot of cash from his pockets] Look at this $1500 dead presidents and the homies are still coming in. Mondo do du chok! right next to the bathroom. Laura Lee Winslow: [crying] Steve why do you always say things like that? Clean up your room Edward. Your dad's runnin' late. Steve Urkel: [Steve picks up the cord to the satelite dish] Sloppy, Sloppy, Sloppy! [cries]. Topics Nerd. But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one. Eddie: Dad you embarrassed me in front of my friends. Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room. Laura Lee Winslow: Hey, my locker's open! Rachel Crawford: I'm what? I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. That's all. [Comes in the lving room with Mother Winslow as Eddie is taking his frustrations out on his sack of dirty laundry because Carl has just taken Waldo to the Chicago Bulls game instead of him]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [voiceover, as Johnny Danger] So there I was, staring death right in the face. Steve Urkel: [panicked] um perhaps you mean "biosphere"? [Carl has just gotten wind of Eddie's plans to have a flier party. You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. Steve Urkel: [dropping his bowling ball and hyperventilating]. When are you going to the store? What do you get when you multiply a negative by a negative? Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? Steve Urkel: Actually, it was my dad who said that. Cassie Lynn: All's fair in love and politics. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Listen, Melissa may not be a cover girl. Steve Urkel: Carl, I brought the notes to go over with Laura. Steve Urkel: By any chance, is that something you enjoy? Second, no one must ever know about this "non-date". Now let me get this straight, you dented the car. [skips away from Stefan and Myra towards the elevator. Do these guys have game? So they picked up all our stuff and moved us. Carl: [after kicking Steve out of the house] And don't you ever come back! Here's What Steve Urkel Looks Like Today. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. Carl was his horse. Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked. People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me. Steve Urkel: Practice. Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. Laura: Well you're stubborn, irritating, loud, obnoxious, pushy, clumsy Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Lt. Murtaugh: Keep the pace, Mr. Backwards Hat! Oh, the room is spinning. Eddie: Name's Eddie Winslow, but my friends call me Eddie. Harriette: [Reading] Swiss Family Robinson! No. There is no Steve here. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! Chocum hi chip chok!". Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures]. Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Carl Otis Winslow: I'll get that, you must be having a rough day. When the door opens Carl appears dessed up as Steve normally dresses with his glasses]. Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today. Hey, what were you doing in my closet? Steve Urkel: [Runs across the couch to get away] Fine, fine, fine! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. Laura Lee Winslow: Did they let you take one? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: All the way home, and the next day I cried all the way back to the library. Laura Lee Winslow: You couldn't check out a book? Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name! Jaleel White, the actor best known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom Family Matters, has launched his own cannabis brand - on the day enthusiasts around the globe enjoy a toke. Harriette Winslow: And you think I'm FAT? When's it going to end? CNN Actor Jaleel White is joining the growing list of celebrities who have launched a cannabis brand. Waldo: [pause] Wow! [to self] WOW! Steve Urkel: Well, if I did, nobody would ever let me in. "No mo giet itsu mana! Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends. Get up and get your own pie! What about it, Steve. Stefan and Myra of left stunned]. You think I'm fat. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [about Harriette's gingerbread house] This is a work of art. Carl Otis Winslow: That's wonderful, son. This wire will be connected to this cord and this cord is not plugged in. Steve Urkel: You teach us more than just things out of a textbook. Sergeant Shishka: Urkel, Winslow, you are not on my list of new recruits. The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. He's usually knee deep in dead mosquitoes. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you can't fire Waldo, he's our friend. Sure, it may cover your hiney, but if you make a habit of it, you've got a serious problem. I can't even tell her it won't ever happen again! Carl Otis Winslow: Edward, who are all these kids? Carl Otis Winslow: I do not care what other people think. You understand? I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Ms. Steuben: All right, class. Was it fair that you stood your father up for bowling? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Stephan] Laura Winslow, you are the sun, the rain, and the wind that flowers my soul. [Eddie sits down and Carl grabs his hair]. Whoo! Willie Fuffner: Because, he humiliated me! Steve Urkel: To be quite honest, Fuffner; I'd written you off as being incorrigible. Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up! Rachel Crawford: Steve, did it ever occur to you that when the door is closed we're trying to keep unwanted people out? Laura Lee Winslow: One of them is my best friend. Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. Midway through the first season, the show introduced the Winslows' nerdy neighbor Steve Urkel (Jaleel White), who quickly became its breakout character and eventually the show's main character. Steve Urkel: Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds fifteen seconds sixteen seconds. Steve Urkel: [ice pack on his head from a hangover, Carl just told him a story from his drinking days] Eh he he, ow, eh he he ow, [snorts] WHOOAAOOH! [the car breaks down. At the airport he picked up 6 bags. It was my nickname in preschool! Steve Urkel: Sh-she touched me, Carl! I didn't expect you to be in there and I feel like such a worm. Laura: Steve, I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd tutor Todd. He's a lawyer! He's gonna drive us tonight. Willie Fuffner: But he wasn't, so chill out ok. Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you. Willie Fuffner: That's different, you're my friend. I got fifty bucks on the Knicks. [plugs the cord into the socket]. Would you care to heal them with a kiss? It meant a lot to me. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I was thinking you could help me during the test. You ever been down to the slaughterhouse? Having run for nine seasons, Family Matters became the second longest-running non-animated U.S. sitcom with a predominantly African American cast, behind only The Jeffersons (11). Harriette: Judy, finish your Brussels sprouts. It can't explode or anything? Steve Urkel: All right! Steve Urkel: Why, I can see the headlines now! You know uh, Laura doesn't have a date for the prom either. Don't they teach Black History at your school? I wanna read it to my mom. Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. They misspelled three words. [walks into the bathroom]. Steve Urkel: Oh, no I'm not. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Wow. [Grabs and kisses her. Doo da doo da. Stefan Urkelle: Not I know that's not Carl. And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. In the latter half of Family Matters, Steve started staying with the Winslows as his parents didn't want him around. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That's one month longer than they taught it to me. 2023. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: March 24th, Raoul's houseoat is beautiful. I'll grab my stuff and I'll be out of here tomorrow. Carl: Stefan, you gotta help me. Your baby shoes, your grandmother's denchers, fish jam; and I didn't get a thing for you. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I couldn't even go in. Carl and Eddie are also shocked too]. [Runs with Steve to confront Waldo and Weasel], [Eddie tries to flirt with a cute girl, unaware that Carl is behind him]. Who does these things? Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Uh, uh isn't this the Zorro audition? That's not enough time for Rambo to blow anything up. That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. Oh my God! Waldo: I got close once. It's always tomorrow with that boy! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl and his father planned on doing a lot of things together, but they never got the chance. He is portrayed by Jaleel White. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I'll bet that's what the bug was thinking, too! [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. Why, you might as well drop a boulder on my foot, shove bamboo shoots under my fingernails, or scoop my eyeballs out with a melon baler. An illustration of a horizontal line over an up pointing arrow. Steve Urkel: King me. Harriette Winslow: No, Carl let's call it what it really is, Cheap and Lazy. Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, Everything was Going Just fine, until You Blabbed that I was a cop. You got the whole family off on the wrong foot. Myra Monkhouse: Um, one plus one equals fun? Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. I'm a person, and I have feelings, and I demand to be treated with respect and dignity! Maybe a better word is Loud. Carl: Rough. Willie Fuffner: I don't know what you're talking about, officer. Why she is woman, hear me roar. Welcome to Leroy's! Laura: Steve Urkel, you are the most annoying human being that I have ever met! A bee to a blossom. I mean the guy's a feeb. Harriette Winslow: [Takes an envelope from Carl] 'Lose Weight, Feel Great at Chicago's Premiere Health Spa, Hip Whippers'. Harriette Winslow: Every time she stops, she starts all over again. Carl Otis Winslow: You know son, if Screwing Up ever became an Olympic event. Does that about cover it? Carl Otis Winslow: I'll tell you what son, why not give me cash for Christmas. Why are you guys dressed like that? Carl: I can't tell him I don't remember him! The hot chocolate will be ready soon. Ty: Actually I haven't got my wings yet and I play the keyboard. [after Carl as defeated Turbo with ease, Harriette runs up to him with her purse]. But I have feelings, too. One minute, "Moo!" Yesterday he said 'get lost, Fido Face!' Would you rather be buried or cremated? I wanna play some of my own records on the jukebox, but I don't know how to put them in. Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why don't you take the guy's next door? What's for dinner, milk and cookies? [laughs] Bye! Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: That's what I said, but Dad still said no. Pass the salt, Edward. Bushwhacker Luke: Me and me brother, we hate cops! Just you and me. No Traffic. I may get a B. Laura: Dad, this is serious. Eddie: If I don't pull at least a C on my midterm exam, I'm gonna flunk Algebra. This has never happened before. She's mine! Harriette Winslow: Mr. Niedermeyer, the only thing that's gonna go by is you. Eddie has lied . Three times X equals six. Refresh my memory. My head pops out! But Waldo messed up and put the wrong date on the flyers. [laughs]. Laura Lee Winslow: O.k. Rodney Beckett: I'm Rodney, but my friends call me Rod-meister. Harriette: Don't even think like that. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? Now you sleep tighty-tighy with all your mighty-might. Harriette Winslow: Laura, did somebody do something to you? So go ahead, FIRE ME! 5. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No, I *am* a serious little nerd. I can't breathe! and-so-the-balance-shifts-blog. Ms. Steuben: Yeah, well Steven, you're not taking Home Ec. Carl: Son, I am no neophyte when it comes to electronics. Steve Urkel: Oh, no buts! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh, no buts! Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Laura: Steve, you're supposed to cook those! Ms. Steuben: That's that's not funny, Steven. Harriette Winslow: She's still pretty upset, she wouldn't even touch her dinner. Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back. You should've seen the look on his face when he saw five officers surrounded my car and said Surprise! Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna trash Urkel's locker! Waldo: Thanks for helping me find the gym. Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. Eddie: I don't see what getting beat up is gonna prove. Carl Otis Winslow: I told him I was taking him over to see you. Trying to cover it up would only make it worse. Laura: That you'll never go into outer space again, Steve Urkel: Only when we kiss, Laura Lee, only when we kiss [they passionately kiss]. You're wrong, the maitre'd gave me a two for one coupon. I'm here. You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. Daniel Wallace: Hey, man. Harriette: What's goin' on down here and why do I smell cinnamon flavored smoke? Carl Otis Winslow: Alright Harriette, you were a liiiiiiiittle abrasive tonight. I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. Steve Urkel: Ms Steuben, you taught Laura to slow down and stop taking short cuts. There's a lot of bad pickup lines out there. Then, you broke my car, and it cost me every cent I got to fix it and rent this "delightful" room here at the "Fleabag Inn". Steve Urkel: What? I'm cooking breakfast. Steve Urkel: L-long enough to get i-icicles on my nose hair Look! You know, I was exposed to this sort of thing when I was growing up, but I always hoped it would be different for my kids. I could hear him sobbing in his suspension chamber. Now, I may have taken a sip of my mom's coffee, but I Chain: I'm talkin' about the other kind of wired! Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? He just told you to get lost. I can't think of a single reason not to do this every week. Steve Urkel: Uh no. And even then I knew it wasn't right. Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: [Unstraps his gloves] Sir, not only have you harrassed and insulted me, but you have sullied the reputation of my lady love. Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened? There's no justification for this behavior! Ouchith! [kisses Laura] Love you. She imforms Maxine that Steve is safe and Rachel has just taken him home], Willie Fuffner: See officer, everything is fine. [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. Carl Otis Winslow: [packing up the camping gear] Boy that was great, a family weekend in the wilderness. His relationship with Eddie was usually better than with Carl and Laura. When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette. I want to know why my instructions were not followed. Harriette Winslow: I am not! But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. Newsflash, Eddie! Steve Urkel: Well, that may be what happened, but it won't be what the people believe. You are under arrest! Inside this scrawny chest, there beats a heart. Steve Urkel: Hi everybody! Waldo: Sure you have. Wha? Lt. Murtaugh: Yeah like that's gonna bring him back. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. Wha? Eddie: I'm sorry, Steve. Steven Quincy Urkel: Don't interrupt me! Steve Urkel: My uncle, Elijah Urkel, has been struck by lightning four times. [Rachel walks into the living room with Richie's broken penguin beak, coutesy of a jealous Judy]. Weasel: [Eddie leaves and Weasel gets hit by Waldo] What was that for?