I thought everything was going well, we were hitting on better than ever, having more fun talking more, I felt confident things were going well as he told me they were. Worst day of my life just praying she would come to her senses and save our family. Her behaviour to me changed and she became distant, rude and put me on the back burner. My friend has not moved forward with a separation agreement, or any movement with her husband in that way. He ended up walking past me and got in our car and left. For him to leave like that in the middle of the night tells me that he is very immature! I haven't eaten or slept roperly in 2 weeks. She told our three kids she was leaving before I got back from extended combat training at joint base dix. Protect yourself. He was mean, angry and a totally crazy. She was drugged up on pills again . I also lost my mother nine months ago. Im fairly sure he had affairs, he cheated a lot before when we were together, lied so much, did drugs and lost his job while I was pregnant. There are all kinds of ways to tell if people are depressed. If you have to question them or yourself 9 times out of 10 there is a good reason for this. If he can just walk no strings attached then I dont want him back. As with a garden, when a relationship isnt tended to, it withers and dies. A few days ago out of the blue he said he wants to split up. We drifted apart, the excitement, the compassion and love faded away to nothing. I feel so antisocial and can barely muster the will to concentrate on a movie. I split with my ex on Christmas. My wife works commission base in medical field and she is a master manipulator. Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. I have always asked my clients who find themselves married to someone who is mentally ill to focus on how they can avoid choosing another partner with the same issues. She then admitted to a 7 month emotional affair with this guy at work. with my kids asking the same question and my narcissistic ex looks like a victim of a situation that just didnt work out as we grew apart as he puts it. This information was compiled from divorced couples, or as it may seem, long-term relationships. I dont think he was doing anything but chatting to this girl, but still it someone triggered his desire to be unburdened from the responsibility of having a family (we have 3 children). Dont punish him for this though, because he hasnt done anything wrong. So cold, so heartless and has absolutely zero consideration for me. You have to understand that this is a painful process, and its going to take time. I also feel like such a wreck and cant see any woman ever wanting me as I dont like me. Life can throw some major challenges your way. Cant sleep without the sleeping pills or wine. I am so sorry you are going true this, I am feeling your pain. The only thing that changed was he was now having to pay for his own health insurance. She told me she is falling for another man. Seems he mailed her interior vibrators to enhance their sessions. She came back after months and said wow you have changed! And if she cant see that its her loss. And even worse, they ruin their own happiness in the process by doing things that destroy everything that makes them happy. I asked him for an explanation. I remained strong on the outside and everyone asked how I kept it together, but that doesnt mean it wasnt extremely difficult and the most traumatic experience in my life. We can, for sure, take this as a learning experience about ourselves and our relationship needs. I still find myself wanting her back, I miss her. Remember you deserve to be happy and there are many other men out there who will treat you right. We have kids high school age. As a couple, its a very TOXIC relationship , the best one can do is to GET OUT and have NO CONTACT. He literally got off with everything and got exactly what he wanted. This happens slowly and mysteriously until, one day, there are no common interests and someone gets bored and wants to move on. I know I must choose what to do because living with this internal struggle is making me sick. In fact, sometimes he can seem to be downright miserable. Where r u? If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. Your partner felt ignored and unappreciated. So just like you want to be loved and cared for, he wants the same thing. They systematically destroyed this beautiful life we created and threw out everything I was again with my kids watching. All that matters is that they make you feel good inside. You cant give up hope because numbing yourself will only numb you to joy as well. Maybe you feel that you are loved under certain conditions only, or you keep up a facade for your partner. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. So, i had to ask my family for money. Anyone in your situation would be willing to do anything to save their relationship, but broken trust and betrayal like this is very hard to get over. Even though I dont know you, I want you to know that I am praying for you. By Saturday morning I am calling nonstop everyone, her parents etc. I am not saying you have to stay with someone who no longer is committed to the team in a very damaging way but the research shows people are throwing the towell in for very small reasons. I have cried more over the past eight weeks than during my entire life. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. I am starting to realize no matter how many of her fav mags I buy her or if I bring her flowers or chocolate cupcakes for treats constantly, she will barely even notice let alone understand how hard it is for me to choke it back and make that kind of effort again. Its about being happy and greatful for what you have not what you dont getting frustrated because you cant get your own way and wanting to destroy the other person who at one time you were supposed to love . I had no idea she had been this unhappy for such a long time. He just kept saying it was his problem. He decided this life, our life, wasnt for him.. Youre going to feel happy and wonderful again. Big time. But she left me with all unnecessary fear and stick to her parents decisions who doesnt know the ground reality but imagineIm praying to god please pray for me. That word has been gone for a long time. It happened only once and was not discovered by anyone. Inner wisdom can move you forward. You feel threatened rather than safe when you are with this person or in this environment. I do not believe that you can just fall out of love one day as if it is completely unrelated to how each of the partners interacts with one another. I think that when the hurt has worn off a little I will let her read this. They may be confused. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. Im trying to take it one day at s time but the anxiety is tough I keep ruminating and worrying about the future.i just keep telling myself for now its hard but Ive got to keep it together for my kids, Hi I just want to leave and not hurt him to bad. I told my wife straight away (within 2 hours) out of guilt and respect. You actually grow new neurological pathways for pain. I dont know how tomtell friends/ the kids, the family. ..I thought it was the alcohol but hes not drank now for 3wks and hes gotten worse! We did relate and I changed as much as I could to make it work I thought she had too. The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. I never had empty nest for longer than 3 months and things were much better between my husband and I. Well I agree that these might be some of the reasons people leave, but I disagree with the coping responses. "I felt as if the person I knew had died. I feel so alone, so forgotten, and it some respects even used a little. My wife had insisted on getting a new house before we were ready. Hi CassieD! What part of the country are you in? They all go to the same school and population is 800 so no escape. And that this medication for *seizures* was effective *because* of the way my neurological system and brain was processing the lengthy aftermath of that injury. Like said I get it, HIS fav team stuff all over drinking glasses and mugs. Its a behavioral condition Something. Actually, we were both unhappy and I had also wanted out of the relationship for a while. Over the years we had many issues. Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. My heart aches with yours. This just might be a part of a painful process where you have to learn how to get over someone. BTW. But thats just my nature. I hate life right now, she wants nothing to do with me, my work is suffering Im suffering, shes telling everyone how happy she is and Im so lost. I feel like he blames me for our failed marriage and I know that everything hehas said were all just excuses because he was too much of a coward to admit he was leaving for someone else. He also had a cop come stand by when he got his stuff from the house . I have a client who went to their parents house with their young child after going through a brutal abandonment in their marriage, and they told me it was the best decision they have made, she says. I still work full time. Tried a lawyer, she sank me for thousands without ever doing a thing and I just wont take that road again. What can ido to ease her pain and stop from having a second divorce? I dont believe in god but I sure hope in karma. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. He is not the problem; I am. I said that is fine, i am done with always fighting with you. My children were now being brainwashed into believing I left then for this new woman as well as a few of her not so close friends. Failure to touch. Chris, first let me apologize for what im going to ask. 5 years ago I started to discover and figure out that my wife was a substance abuser,drug addict with prescription meds, narssasis, pathological liar. I wish you all the best She moved out fast and said I needed time to work on myself as well. He finally moved out after telling the kids he had to find true happiness. Then at the same time, he says if I just shut up and leave him alone, he will just do his own thing and I can do mine. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. Im saying this because professional coaches at Relationship Hero helped me not only once but twice to get through a difficult time in my love life. And I have plenty of divorced friends who are now happy. All those pieces coming together the texts, the absences on an affair. I have other kids from a previous relationship and I felt saddened by it all at first. When I cheated on my husband, I might have liked to pretend it was just about sex, but if I was being honest, I knew it wasn't. It's not always about the other person. I built her flower boxes and a deck box, even a storage rack for her kayaks and canoe. Its going to cost me a fortune, but I have no choice. If you didnt it wouldnt be human. absolutely the truth you cant endure such a tremendous heart ache without the love of Jesus and fully relying on his help to know Christ is the greatest gift on this earth in spite of all of our heartaches and trials and tribulations my husband left me in October of 2014 without of word took all of our money the car is everything personal belongings everything I came home to nothing and I dont care about the the world of goods my heart ached so terriblyworse than a death (my son died) pure disasterunable to withstand the pain in my heart although I was saved I guess I wasnt fully trusting the Lord at that moment I went outside of my secluded house in the middle of cornfields to hang myself and I took pills a lot (prescription) and I drank a bottle of whiskey in one drink I should have clearly died but did not! He wants to have a better paying job, to provide for us better, and he cant seem to do that having us here, so he is sending me, along with our daughter, and my 2 sons packing. But its almost sociopathic, I think, to be so accommodating to the same person that you were in a self- described toxic relationship with and a partner that you couldnt ever communicate with and now be completely calm and methodical with. People, most of us humans are simply selfish. It will be awful and painful and confusing. Im not sure where that fell short, like I said maybe its because I didnt fluff his feathers every minute, telling him how wonderful he was every minute of every day. I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. For many people, abusive behavior and infidelity are signs that a marriage is beyond repair. Then, i had to find a new job to support our family, while he hung out and looked online everyday for 3 months. I dont understand whats happened in these last 2 weeks. You need ice cream once in awhile! Ive talked to my family/friends but obviously its very hard for them to be impartial, and most of their advice has either been play a waiting game and wait for her to contact me, or forget about her and move on. A year goes by with random visits whenever she felt like having a full on break which was always on the weekends when she could go out and party. Its hard to give up thinking they will come back. I learnt from my partner of two and half years that any relationship can work. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. We slept in separate bedrooms and became room mates and certainly not what I had invisioned a marriage to be at the age of 51. Im lost Im hurt and Ive cried all day. Without her, I would not be here to tell this story., Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. Whats your love story and is it compatible with your partners? I felt guilty and blamed myself. My husband is in the military and has spent alot of time away from us because of deployments and travel. Constantly points out my flaws and still shows no remorse at all for the horrific things she has done to our family. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112. I saw people that appear to be in other countries on here. since my 18 year old daughter has said she knew about these affairs as her friends had seen her mum out with other men she had asked her about this and been shouted down and told she was wrong the hurt she has caused is unforgiveable , as for the hurt to me I could not give a s*** but our kids I will never forgive moral off this is if you want out tell them take a chance the other one will want you dont lie dont cheat be honest and people will respect you , lie. I hold my vows very close to my heart. He says he loves me very much but is not in love with me I am devastated feel like Im dying inside. That happened to a friend of mine and he a lot of her settlement and then spent it and then got divorced and she couldnt get it back. If you aske most people who leave their spouses if they are happy in their decision, if theyre being honest, most of them would say no. Sociopaths goal is take a human being and destroy them down to the bottom of their soul. After all I did to keep our little family together he walked out on us. I have being with him 5 years and we broke up once cause he didnt want kids. And, no, she doesnt want to give it to you, shes buying her way out. He hasnt come home in over two months. Oddly she got over it then 2 months later had a breakdown. There are thousands, probably even millions of people in the world right now whove been through this situation. Theres no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship, but there are ways you can help yourself and find closure. I worker steady nights for 27 years. To the spouse who wants out . I dove back into the deep waters of the person that I had primarily lost, myself. Cant eat or sleep, I feel depressed. So, I have been married to my husband for 14 1/2 years. All rights reserved. I dont know what makes it better. I kept my act together because I. I am a strong person, that helps. He was my best friend, and had promised we could co-parent., My childs father was leaving me. They are in love apparently and plan on living together and getting married down the road. I know you already got involved with child protect services but wonder if maybe if it comes from a teacher or the school system that might help you shine a light on whats going on in their house.I know its heartbreaking to think that your kids are exposed to such horrible parenting. Im routing for you 100%! Then the answer is simple she wasnt the one for me and it got me thinking how bad of a person she was to me . I understand this. The answer is how can we make you happy and ease your feelings. Its been six months and I dont feel like at any more peace and someways irs worse than before. Thank you I needed to hear this because my relationship is in trouble and Im so in love with him, Uvette You have known him for a week and you invite him into my bed with our children and you get suspiciously soo tired your eyes are rolling to the back of your head??? ;) Again, terrific article! Try mindfulness to break the circle of thought and let it guide you on. He said he no longer loved me and couldnt to it anymore. We both came from dust and we shall return to dust. Think about the parts of Jon that could not be true to Jon because of her. So feel free to cry and scream as much as you want because its perfectly normal to hurt. Pschycopath, sociopath or narcissist, because he has no empathy, guilt, nothing, no feeling..this is hard for me to grasp, because I feel its my fault and I have fix it or me There You go!! Fact is- the reality might be harsher now. My virginity was stolen from me raped at the age of 14 by 2 people I thought were my friends. What about: Here Are 5 Reasons Why Your Husband Refuses To End Your Unhappy Marriage, Even If You're Both Miserable. If you feel lost and hurt by this vast life turmoil, you have come to the right place for help. His perspective is that he tried to be emotionally connected over and over only to be disappointed by my lack of response to his reaching out. Hug Move on and dont look back you deserve better then that some times broken glass need to stay broke dont try to fix it sweep it up and throw it away GOD is gonna put your soul mate right in front of you bless you and Carrie on you dont need that to be in contact in front of your children.its her lost dont take her back eitherthen she win. You will meet someone who treats you right and then you will forget all about him. As woman we can try so hard and bend over backwards. From my perspective your husband saying that he is not happy could mean several things: 1. I stopped for a quart of ice cream on my way home from work today, ugh. Tired of the fight. In hind site, probably too much. I dont think I will ever be able to trust again, I wonder everyday why I even want to remain on this earth if there is so much evil here. Coming back from an affair is possible, but most often the trust is severed and cannot be recovered. She will not even contact my son, my god, what has he done wrong. Rage that would be primarily directed towards friends and family. Six months that I have been paying for my choice through reduced access to my most amazing children ever. No one else will ever understand my journey or experience, because it does not sound right or possible, but it happened. Im trying my hardest to not hate her for this, and I get that I havent been the greatest husband having working long distance and her being unemployed, but its the lack of fighting for it that hurts the most. Wow, that sucks.feel terrible that you have to go through that especially when youve been so patient with all of her disabilities. Well she was mixing high doses of Vicodin and Soma pills . He is on disability because of multiple chemical sensitivity. Over the past year he has been leaving me in the dark about a lot of stuff. Do you know someone who could benefit from this story?