We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. I am full of vitality. 208. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. I dont care! Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. 127. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . I breathe in and out. 143. 20. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 13. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Alright, get in the basket. Bill Murray, 251. 201. 53. Art doesnt transform. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Its scary when it disappears. 192. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 177. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. 9. 85. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Flip Wilson, 263. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Your email address will not be published. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. This is a snap. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 198. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 220. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 177. In between, I am alive. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! 39. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 5. 243. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Im like a postage stamp. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Sincerely, the floor. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. 188. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. Robert Bloch Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. 1. 178. I am tough and resilient. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 239. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. East. Ann Landers If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! Don't forget to be awesome. 2. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. - Benjamin Franklin. He who laughs last didnt get it. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. So far, so good. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 161. Bill Murray 9. 260. 273. Find a quiet place without distractions. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Actually, you dont have to imagine. 270. I know the best time to make fun. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Because he was always spotted. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I am strong and getting stronger every day. You deserve it! Really? 50. 1. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". 20. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 35. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. A mind is like a parachute. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. 192. Why was six scared of seven? 187. I am my childs greatest comfort. 57. Dave Barry. Steve Martin, 254. 27. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". How do trees access the internet? What do computers eat for a snack? Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 47. - Unknown. 53. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. - Catherine Pulsifer. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . 58. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Why cant you trust an atom? I love my body. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. If only common sense were more common. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 155. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 145. 195. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 90. Effective pushing often involves poop. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 197. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. "You have to be odd to be number one.". Things are getting better all the time. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 158. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. With time, I have started to value more time. 102. Not everyone has good taste. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 52. Enjoy! Henny Youngman, 246. I feed my spirit. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I stick to things until I get to my destination. 163. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. 212. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 222. 127. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Life always offers you a second chance. 77. Never let anyone waste your time twice. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. It gets toad away. 26. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 1. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. 57. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 279. Microchips. Those who snore always fall asleep first. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 15. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. grateful. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. 88. I breathe in and out. You can only be young once. I am lazy till I get a motive. Your words become your actions. 98. Im describing you. Sometimes the M is silent. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Not everyone has good taste., 3. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. Bill Murray, 260. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 274. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. I am attractive just as I am. Bill Murray Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. happy. 45. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. The library, because it has so many stories. It will warm you twice unknown. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. We need to hear a pin drop. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Its okay, he woke up. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 48. 234. When life closes a door, just open it again. I am here to live to the fullest. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. 9. Envelope. 8. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 271. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 84. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. I will go out. - Kyle Chandler. 1. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. 71. Erma Bombeck. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. 152. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. 17. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. What do I do for a living? Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. You can only be young once. Today I will embrace the poop. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 125. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. 140. Never judge a book by its movie. 261. 236. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. I thought you said extra fries. 217. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. 79. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. I receive what I believe. 149. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. My son is now an entrepreneur. Helen Giangregorio With a cowculator. 247. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Your habits become your values. 1. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Best friends eat your food. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Socrates. 7. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Positive mindset affirmations. You can't wait for inspiration. 8. 3. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 249. 153. Hes dreaming too. 265. 23. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Leave me a if you agree! Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 4. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 76. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 25. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. 3. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Honolulu, its got everything. 114. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. You were too lazy to read that number. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? I dont want to fix my spending habits. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Wonderwoman: single. Not everyone has good taste. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. 166. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Its okay, he woke up. 93. Friends buy you food. Because he was always spotted. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. - Donald Trump. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 122. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. You wanna know who Im in love with? It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I draw from my inner strength and light. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. But sometimes affirmations may not work. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. 2. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. 24. Run. Never ask a starfish for directions. Jackie Collins As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own.